I lost my place but I can't stop this story

this makes me sick

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:47:48 GMT

All I can say is that John McCain and Caribou Barbie, by some crazy accident, win this election, I'm moving to Canada to start a moose farm.

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:22:58 GMT

Live Deep
never stop learning, playing or finding wonder in the world around you.
Live the length of your life, but live the depth of it as well.

Forgive imperfections
in yourself and others.
Imperfections keep things interesting.
Theyre the cracks where the light shines through.

Own Beautiful Things
And not just to keep in the drawer, tucked away for a perfect day.
Surround yourself with thhings that make you happy,
that remind you of the beauty all around usif we only keep our eyes open.

Make Mistakes.
Follow detours. Sometimes it takes and unexpected turn to help us find
the life that is waiting for us around the bend.
Trust yourself and the path that is meant for you

Take care of yourself
And sometimes that means you need the icecream.
Be good to your body, but also to your mind and spirit.
YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN.

9 months and counting

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:03:57 GMT

9 months and counting
Originally uploaded by lauracaffeine

booyah

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:37:07 GMT

I have my first interview next week. Fucking right. :]

perfection

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 15:15:19 GMT

well we can be like this forever,
always together,
never apart. this can be our
future, how does that sound?
'cause to me it sounds like
perfection.

i hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Sun, 04 May 2008 00:57:21 GMT

my home is with him
wrapped up in his arms laying on his bed listening to my favorite station
his lips touching my ear whispering "i love you"
that is where my home is
it isn't here

Unless you have lived my life, don't judge me.
because you dont know, never have, & never will
know every little thing that i've been through.

if there’s one piece of advice i can give
you, it’s this. when there’s something you
really want, fight for it. don’t give up no
matter how hopeless it seems. and when
you’ve lost all hope, ask yourself if in ten
years, you’re gonna wish you gave it one
more shot. because the best things in life,
they don’t come free.

Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now
that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure
you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life.
The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you that somewhere out
there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

my advice to you

Thu, 01 May 2008 23:15:55 GMT

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or reliable then my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice....now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, nevermind, you won't understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (if you succeed in doing this, tell me how). Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. Get plenty of Calcium. Be kind to your knees -- you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40; maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance...even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions (even if you don't follow them). Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal--wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.

i think everything is going to be alright no matter what we do tonight

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:37:39 GMT

1) What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
A candle wrapper.

2) What does your last text message say?
"The day seems so long when I know I won't see you" to Bryan.

3) Have you ever kissed anyone named John?
Nope.

4) What was the last song you listened to?
"Pink" by Aerosmith. Before that, "Nine in the Afternoon" by Panic! at the Disco.

5) If you hated someone and got put in charge of their funeral music, what would you pick?
'Everyone has AIDS" by Team America

8) Pick a scar on your body - what did you do?
I have a scar on my scalp...I let my friend try to straighen my hair and she got some skin. It's nasty-looking.

9) How would you describe your best friend in one word?
Mind-blowing.

10) How old is your mom?
50.

11) Last time you were in a relationship?
Right now I'm in the most amazing relationship I ever could have asked for.

12) What happened?
Well...he's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

13) Who do you trust with your life? (besides family)
Bryan, Sam, Renee, Suze

14) If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
Sophie or Isabelle

15) What would you do if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up to your face each and every morning?
Usually I tell Bryan "Thank you." :D

17) Do you trust all of your friends?
If I didn't trust them they wouldn't be my friends.

18) Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
For sure.

19) Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Completely.

20) Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
Abuse of any kind and infidelity.

21) Which one of your top friends do you think would make the best prostitute?
Idk....Brandon's a ho. :P

22) Who is the nicest person you know?
Brandon. In fact, he's too nice for his own damn good.

23) What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Move out of my parents' house.

24) Will you accomplish all of them?
I hope so.

25) Is it nice outside?
It's starting to cool down, but it's still nicer than it has been.

26) Do you give second chances?
Not anymore. I made that mistake once, never again.

28) If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
Bryan.

29) Would you make a good parent?
I hope I will, someday.

30) Where was your default picture taken?
Root River Parkway.

31) Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
My killer headache and knowing that I won't see the boyfriend today.

32) Who knows you the best?
My best friends.

33) What day is it?
Sat., April 19th

34) What are your plans for the weekend?
Working, anniversary with Bryan on Sunday.

35) Are you excited?
Yeah...I just hate working every weekend.

36) Whats your favorite quote?
"Alis volat propiis."

37) What's your favorite saying?
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

38) How much do you say it?
I don't say it.

39) Have you ever punched a tree?
Um, no. Can't say I have.
haha

40) Something good happen to you today?
I took a really long nap.

41) Are you keeping a large secret from someone close?
Perhaps...

42) Morning or night person?
Night.

43) Are you there for your friends?
I hope they think so...I try to be.

44) Do you like to spend time with people?
Only the ones I love.

45) Random fact about yourself?
I said 'panacakes' instead of 'pancakes' until I was 11.

46) Are you a forgiving person?
It all depends...for the most part, yes.

47) Would you ever share a girl/boyfriend with your best friend?
Absolutely not. I'm selfish lol.

48) Have you lost a friend recently?
No.

49) Are you talking to someone while doing this?
Nope, listening to music and looking around my extremely messy room.

50) Do you want a relationship right now?
I have the best relationship ever.

it's been such a long time...

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 05:53:57 GMT

'Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on something, favorite type of underwear, explain an interest, whatever.'

taurus - brooding emotion incarnate

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 00:16:28 GMT

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

that's the deal, my dear

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 04:22:43 GMT

I got my new camera, yay! Alas, I left the cord to load all the pictures I took at my friend's apartment, boo. I got a Sony Cybershot W80, and it's pretty much the sex. But I wanted it in pink and Best Buy only had it in silver. Bastards. It's wonderful and pretty and I took a buttload of pictures of Riley with it, because I have no life and no friends.

I've been spending quite a bit of time with Sam since she got back. Last night she picked me up at about 10:30 and we went to V's to have coffee (and I had eggs and toast and sausage since I never ate dinner) and we were there til almost 1 am. She was telling me about some books that she's read that she thinks I would like and we talked about music and travelling and all the stupid guys that she and I have known. I love having her back.

Went to the mall today to help my mom and dad get presents for some people. I found a pair of pajamas that I absolutely LOVE from VSecret and my mom's working on buying my love again (lol) so she bought them for me. But I have to wait til xmas to get them. I had to get my brother's girlfriend a giftcard, and then I talked my parents into buying me some boots. I still have to get Brandon a present *coughcough*.

One more exam, on Tuesday. Econ. Death! But then I'm DONE for the semester!!!!

Blahhhh I don't wanna work at 4:30 am! And I want my Kurt Halsey orderrrrrrrrr.

started crying && i couldn't stop myself

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 05:09:16 GMT

Stole from

detacixotni

1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13. any pets?

RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:

PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. a picture of yourself!
4.. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you if you want.

so if you care to find me, look to the western skyyyyyy

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 21:08:50 GMT

Snow is here. Yikes. T-minus 21 days until Christmas.

Riley lurvs me. :] & he likes to give me kisses.

He is such a little spaz.

Things to do tonight:

two econ projects
clean room
put laundry away
give Riles a bath
wrap christmas gifts!

kicking off the cruise control && turning up the radio

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 22:52:55 GMT

Select your month of birth.

Strike all the ones that don't apply to you.

Bold between 5 and 10 that most apply to you.

Post in your lj including all 12 months into a cut.

January:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

February:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

March:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

April:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

May:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

June:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

July:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation (used to). Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

August:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

September:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

October:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

November:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

December:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

May:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. ~~Needs no motivation~~. ~~Easily consoled~~. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. ~~Strong clairvoyance~~. Understanding. ~~Sickness usually in the ear and neck~~. Good imagination. Good physical. ~~Weak breathing~~. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 21:50:13 GMT

I lie on the grass, breathing in the silence, listening to the night, looking up at the stars. I look up at the night sky and I wonder about life, about you, about why I'm here. And I look up at those cold, beautiful stars, so far away, and I realize life has never seemed so big.

So my great-aunt fell and broke her hip on Tuesday night. She's having surgery right now to fix it, although I'm not sure how much they can do since she has osteoporosis and she's also 94 years old. I hope she can make it through this; I can't take losing her and my uncle in a span of 6 months.
I've spent most of my day cleaning this godforsaken house, and now my mother tells me that I have to help make dinner for tomorrow. Haha, how about I buy canned cranberry sauce and put it in a bowl? That will be my contribution. I picked up the coffee. :]
I'm really excited for my road trip to Menasha on Friday. But first I have to get through a 330-930 am shift. Balls.

i'm willing to break myself, i'm not afraid

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 21:00:09 GMT

I hate shopping for clothing. Nothing fits. It makes me le sad. I was on the hunt for a new winter jacket today and I found a Columbia Sportswear one that I really likes. Problem: the small went down to my knees because it was a misses size. Balls. So my mom let me order the one I've been lusting after FOREVER from Victoria's Secret.

& Of course, it's pink. :]

I'm searching high and low to see if I can find tickets for Wicked. *crosses fingers*

Hopefully I will succeed in cleaning out my car today, as well as taking notes for Anatomy, writing a really stupid english paper, and making my printer work :] Yay!

& Tonight is a wonderful night because GREYS ANATOMY IS ON!

i'm going to try defying gravity

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 02:08:17 GMT

Thank god this semester is over halfway over. I'm getting A's in every class except Anatomy. There are only 3 out of 20 students passing that class. And my teacher doesn't curve. :[

I've been listening to the "Wicked" soundtrack all day and now I wanna see it sooooos bad! I bought the book and I'm gonna start it tonight hopefully.

I also bought a few more books by Ayn Rand. "Anthem" and "We the Living". I'm so excited to read them, and I already started "The Fountainhead".

I talked to Sam for almost two hours last night. I guess she's not happy in Boston and she wants to come back. I hope she at least finishes out the year, but I miss her like crazy. She and I are planning a road trip for next summer.

Sorry this was so pointless, I'm pretty distracted at the moment.

one of these days your magic won't affect me & your kiss won't make me weak

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 01:22:17 GMT

we used to be able to talk about
everything but now it's impossible
to even start a decent conversation, you
can't deny it. things have changed. we've
grown apart and you have to face the fact
that i won't be there everytime you need
me just like you werent there everytime i
needed you. i dont respect you anymore
just like you never, ever respected me.
you are just another face in the crowd.

when you left, i lost a part of me.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 02:10:04 GMT

i bet it makes you laugh, watching me work so hard to reach you

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 04:32:47 GMT

I bet it makes you laugh
Watching me work so hard to reach you
You ~~never~~ gave a damn
About all of those things I did to please you

All that you wanted
You found somewhere else
And nothing could drag you
Away from yourself

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?
...Everything to me

Lucky I've been through hell
Backroads and shortcuts, I know them well
Baby, just stick with me
We'll make it together
Just wait and see

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?
...Everything to me

The walls, the close out
The air, it goes out
We're left with nothing
But a shadow of a doubt
Nobody talks
No one is here
It's just you and me

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna me that real to me?

i wonder what you're dreaming, wondering if it's ME you're seeing

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 23:46:02 GMT

There will come a time when you're infatuated with a single soul. For this person, you would do anything and not think twice about it, but when asked why you have no answer. You'll try your whole life to understand how he can affect you as much as he does. But you'll never find out and no matter how badly you hate it or how much it hurts, you will love this person without regrets for the rest of your life.

I feel like I'm not the same person anymore. I have changed so much over the past year and I feel like no one knows me. I've been spending so much time alone and I'm not sure why, but I've been sad so much lately. I work, I come home, and I sleep. I know I build walls up around myself, mostly because of everything that I've been through. But I always thought that I had the kinds of friends that would tear those walls down. And none of them have even attempted. You know how you say you want to be left alone, but secretly you want your friends to call and say "I don't care what you're saying, we're taking you out!" ? I feel like all my friends have walked away. Even though in reality, they really haven't. Maybe I'm not talking generally about my friends, but more like one or two in particular. And I think that it runs deeper than all that. This person and I used to be so close and now I feel like I hardly ever talk to them. I feel alone all the time and I have all these thoughts swirling around in my head and I wish that all these thoughts would just disappear. I want nothing more than to be happy and loved. I want to smile and have it actually be a smile, not just a fake smile to cover up what I'm really feeling.

things are better if I stay, so long and good night

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 20:46:47 GMT

TEN Random Things About Me
1. I'm very emotional. I cry over a lot of stuff. And I get ridiculously happy over a lot of stuff. Basically, I have the emotional range of the grand-fucking canyon.
2. I'm very open about a lot of things, but very closed about a lot of others.
3. One of the best compliments I ever received was: "You are a powerhouse. A force to be reckoned with."
4. I write. A lot. On anything. Napkins, notebooks, receipts. I hate having 4793487378 billion thoughts floating around in my head and writing them down always makes me feel better.
5. I think that love is dangerous. It can mend your life or break your heart. And you never know which one until its too late.
6. Riley is the one guy who has never broken my heart. And really, he's the only guy I'll ever need. Who cares if he's a dog. :]
7. I overanalyze everything. I look into everything way too much. Sometimes I just need to take something for what it is, not what it could be.
8. Since the death of my great uncle, I really don't think that I'm the same person.
9. I do believe in karma. Although, I also have a hardcore temper, which makes me think that karma is going to kick my ass someday.
10. I know that I am capable of more than I've accomplished.

NINE Places I've Visited
1. London
2. Paris
3. Chicago
4. Nashville
5. Memphis
6. Ashland
7. Sarasota
8. Orlando
9. Bayfield

EIGHT things I want to do before I die
1. Live in England
2. Finish War and Peace
3. Speak French fluently
4. Take a cross-country road trip
5. Work with a cairn terrier rescue to help abused puppies find homes
6. Experience head-over-heels, all-encompassing, can't-live-without-each-other love
7. Become as close with Sam as I used to be
8. Be a fabulous aunt (or...a crazy-cool mother...but let's not hold our breath on this one)

SEVEN Ways to win my heart
1. Make friends with my dog :]
2. Encourage me to follow my dreams
3. Take everything in stride
4. Make me smile when I'm upset
5. Love me unconditionally
6. Be open to new possibilities
7. Sing to me. :] All the time. Even if you're tone deaf.

SIX things I believe in
1. Above all else, I believe in love. (Moulin Rouge. :])
2. Friends being the family you choose for yourself.
3. Believing in yourself
4. No glove, no love. :]
5. Expressing yourself through any medium
6. Just one hug per day significantly reduces stress. :P

FIVE Things I'm afraid of
1. Getting heart disease
2. Losing my great-aunt
3. Never being someone that I would be proud of
4. Being alone
5. Letting the people I love down

FOUR of my Favorite Items in my bedroom
1. Computer!
2. Literature
3. Pictures of me and my cousin Annie
4. The Puppydog

THREE Things I do everyday
1. Eat ridiculous amounts of food
2. Clean out my purse
3. Write

TWO Things I am trying not to do right now
1. Think about something that will never be real
2. Go to Starbucks and get a dirty chai

ONE Person I want to see right now
1. Someone that is too far away

love the ones who treat you right, forget about the ones that don't

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:04:51 GMT

Life's too short
to wake up in the morning with regrets
so love the people who treat you right
forget about the ones who don't
& believe everything happens for a reason
if you get a chance, take it
if it changes your life
then let it...
nobody said it'd be ~~easy,~~
they just promised
that it would be worth it.

do you think you can cope? you've figured me out, that i'm lost and i'm hopeless

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 02:12:00 GMT

First off, yay new LJ friends! Really makes me feel special that there are people who actually are interested in my life. I've been listening to "Message in a Bottle" by The Police all afternoon, then I downloaded "Lady Marmalade" because my Ares was actually working for once. Oh, so I went to the doctor on friday because I thought (and I apologize for TMI) that I had a yeast infection. Well, I went to an urgent care (my ass) and was there for 2 and 1/2 hours. URGENT CARE?! WTF ever. So, the doctor (who was very "english is my second language") keeps going on about how it could be an STD (which is pretty impossible since I very recently got an STD screen done at the gyno.) Anyways, I pee in the cup and all the cultures for yeast came back negative but they dipped something in my pee and the doc goes "You have a severe bladder infection...and people die from bladder infections." So now he has thoroughly succeeded in freaking me out. He prescribes me some anitibiotics and sends me on my way. Well, on the back of my antibiotic that I take orally there's a little thing saying that if I experience abdominal pain to call a doctor. And this morning I had some hardcore pain where I'm pretty sure my intestines are. I call the urgent care and talk to a nurse and she said that if it still hurts tomorrow to go to my own doctor. And then she goes "But if the pain moves to the lower right side of your abdomen go the hospital immediately!" These people need a lesson in tact and keeping people calm. Because I am NOT one of those people who is calm in a crisis. Anyways, it was just gas. :]

I went and picked my classes on Thursday. I'm taking Anatomy & Physiology, Psycology of Human Relations, English 202, and Economics. It sucks about econ, but I wanna get it out of the way. Since my second semester I have to take Stats. And I suck at math, hardcore.

And then, I was bored today and browsing the American Eagle website and they have a TON of stuff on sale, and I kinda bought about $50 worth of stuff. lol. This is why I shouldn't have credit cards. But I got a few tank tops, a shirt that I really wanted but they didn't have my size at the store at either mall by my house, and then a pair of flip flops to replace the ones I got 2 years ago from there that my dog tried to shred.

Haha, I have to work a 4 hour shift tomorrow. YESSSSSSSS.

Oh, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is AMAZING. I'm not gonna say much, in case anyone who reads this is still reading it. I read all 784 pages in 5 and 1/2 hours yesterday. :] I hope everyone else enjoys it as much as I did.

I need to take some pictures to post here. Maybe tomorrow. :] I have some cute ones of my dog I took the other day. But at the moment I'm simply too lazy to load them on here.

In about 3 weeks, my parents are going to Branson with my younger brother and leaving me home alone with the dogs. So I get the whole house to myself for a week. You know what that means?! I GET TO SLEEP IN THE BIG BED! lol. I know, I'm such a dork.

GET WITH THE PROGRAM, SHITASSES!

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 18:39:31 GMT

50 things girls wish guys knew:

1) If you see us on the couch with a pint of chocolate ice cream, you're gonna want to tread very lightly. We have been known to slaughter with spoons.

2) Get a degree. Seriously. Higher education is sexy.

3) When we go to a club with a group of our friends, we're not going to take you seriously if you come up to us. Unless you buy us all drinks...then maybe we'll give you a fake phone number and a smile.

4) Sometimes we get fucked up about how much we love you...this generally passes after a good cry.

5) Dance with us. Just once a night, and we’ll stop asking. We might even buy you a drink if you don’t make us ask.

6) Sometimes...we should just get off the phone.

7) We like to sing in the shower and we sound like Whitney Houston. Comments indicating otherwise are unacceptable.

8) Not all girls like being the little spoon. Your arm is heavier than you think.

9) There are times not to talk: naked time, Project Runway, and when I’m eating a brownie.

10) We cry a lot. And it’s usually not because you’re the shit.

11) It doesn’t taste good, and sometimes we just swallow so our sheets don’t get ruined.

12) Testicles are horrifying. We do that thing we do because we like you, not because we like them.

13) Gay men are fantastic, that’s why we’re obsessed with them.

14) Please prove to us that you can read by the third date: a menu, cereal box, whatever. That’s a very unpleasant surprise to stumble upon later.

15) ‘I’m really busy’ doesn’t mean ‘I don’t want to hear from you’. It means, ‘Please text message’.

16) We like it when you get all cute… and we know you like it too… we also know it doesn’t have to be in public.

17) When we get drunk, we like to dance and make out and eat chips… keep your ladies happy.

18) If we feel like being domestic, enjoy the cookies. If we don’t feel like being domestic, take us out somewhere nice.

19) If other girls are bitches to us… we don’t like it. Stop calling us dramatic.

20) We think about you all the time.

21) Multi-tasking is fine. Just don’t do the phone thing and the Halo thing at the same time. We know we can’t compete and we’re cool with that. Call us back.

22) You look hot in hooded clothing.

23) Walks in the rain, kisses on the forehead and cooking dinner for us will get you everywhere.

24) No girl just wants to be your 'friend with benefits'.

25) We reserve the right to hate all your ex-girlfriends.

26) I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

27) Real men drive stick.

28) "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

29) I'm scared of losing my independence.

30) Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

31) You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)

32) I own a Celine Dion cd, and I'm not afraid to use it.

33) We may smile and act like we don’t care, but we’re hurt. Try and show that you understand.

34) When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

35) A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.

36) I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.

37) When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.

38) I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.

39) I'd so much rather you break up with me than cheat.

40) I love it when you wear sexy cologne. Axe does not count.

41) Not all girls masturbate. No, we just don't, and we're not lying.

42) Girls need food, water, and compliments to survive.

43) We like to orgasm just as much as you do… work on it.

44) The ability to play guitar will help to get you laid.

45) When we say we're cold, that's your invitation to cuddle with us.

46) Being able to make us laugh is so much more impressive than your ability to bench press.

47) Sometimes we want to ask for your advice in spite of our pride. Don't make it hard on us.

48) Sweating is acceptable during sports and sex only. They do great things with Old Spice these days.

49) "I love you" directly after sex doesn't count.

50) Sing us a song. You might be awful, but it's beautiful to us that you try.

I thought that that was pretty funny. It's from a facebook goup that I'm in.
Well, nothing new really.
I would very much like this shirt: